


To You, Lost in an Alternate Universe

by Bouken da bouken (Jeaganda), Jeaganda



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Erwin and Floch switch roles, Erwin survives, Floch dies, M/M, eruri - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:22:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28450857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jeaganda/pseuds/Bouken%20da%20bouken, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jeaganda/pseuds/Jeaganda
Summary: Relief at first follows his disbelief, but it’s immediately toppled by everything he could remember from their prior conversation.In that moment, looking at Erwin’s frigid, broken expression, Levi almost wants to kill him then and there despite his feelings.
Relationships: Levi/Erwin Smith
Comments: 3
Kudos: 76





	1. To You, Lost in an Unbridled Rage

**Author's Note:**

> To you, lost in an alternate universe -
> 
> Or, Erwin replaces Floch in the sense that he survives and Floch is instead the injured party. This means no Floch (yay!), alive Erwin, and Armin is the same as always.
> 
> This is just a short little indulgent fic, so thank you for sparing the time to read :)

Red.

It’s the only thing he sees, not just in the crimson carpets of blood that paint the smashed buildings and trees, but in his eyes, in his  _ soul _ . It’s a budding flame in his system, setting his own unshed blood aflame, blazing and burning him from the inside out. It’s the steaming substance that dissipates from off his green cloak, the titan’s that shed them dirtying his pristine hands.

Not even the world around him can escape the filter, the emerald flares ripping through the sky appearing as nothing more than scarlet streaks of smoke.   
  
The responsibility of a promise and human lives weighs itself on his steady hands, and although many sizes and weights had been pressed upon him before, by far this was the heaviest. However despite the burden loaded onto him, the soldier held firm, his eyes and heart set on one specific object.

The Beast Titan, the largest of his goals, yet not the largest threat in the vicinity. But that was not his problem to deal with- nor was it on his mind. In fact the only thing that occupied his headspace was ripping the damn monkey from out of it’s primal shell, and driving a blade through its neck.

That was, of course, if only there was not a single man surviving.

The thought doesn’t cause him to falter, as more shouts and flares are administered and yet another drag of his blades rips through the nape of a titan’s neck. In fact it only serves to fuel his flame, and further numb the sound of nothing much else than the frantic beating of his heart- the only thing that could truly give away how he truly felt.

The more he moves, the more he kills, and the more that he notices blood paints the ground. The more red he sees, dumped over corpses of both man and creature. It was no sight he hadn’t seen before, but the pain he suffered was no less.   
  
Faster, he thinks,  _ faster _ , he has to move  _ faster _ .

And what his mind commands, his body does. For even as it pursued its limits, the power of his Ackerman genes propelled it furthermore.

But he isn’t fast enough.

Before he can even reach the beast, the last hurl of rocks is sent, and although he had been so numbed to noise, the effect releases as the sound of horses hooves’ stampeding the ground, screaming, and shots all fade into the air. Silent.

Except for the incoming sound of the soldier’s ODM gear, and the shock evident on the titan’s face as a hole opens through the thick of the smoke.

No matter how prepared the Beast could have possibly been, nothing could have prepared him for the soldier that now tore through his arm like a hot knife through butter, blades piercing skin and bone with seemingly no struggle, shredding fur and limb to little unrecoverable bits.

There’s a searing ache in the soldier’s mind, in his soul, but it’s something completely ignored as he retargets for the titan’s eyes at the sight of it’s hand covering it’s hairy nape. Rage is an innate ability of his, he might consider, as it eats up his humanity and turns him into a monster, fighting with tooth and nail for vengeance. How many times had he lost himself to it?

The question dies as soon as it’s brought to life, as it had many times before.

“What happened to all that fun you were having?!” He seethes high in the air, the ape who he had just cut to the floor reeling in it’s shock. He didn’t care if it could hear him, but he’d prefer it if he could

Descending upon it’s nape with the speed of a nose diving eagle, he bares his teeth, and prepares his blades.

“Why don’t I help you have some more?!”

The heels of his boots plant firmly into the disgusting, matted back of it’s nape, and with a shadowed face and lit up eyes, the soldier sees through the red of blood that is not his, and annihilates the flesh that the screaming beast so desperately attempted to protect.

As more blood stains him, steaming into the blue sky, the blond head of the man who resided within spills backwards from the nape, the stubs of his arms steaming with their recovery, his face contorted in the screams he let loose.

One may think satisfaction was in need, to have finally brought down a constant threat, yet the soldier feels nothing. Nothing, but a pure, unbridled, rage and hatred for the man now beneath him.

He wastes no time in flipping the man on his back, and without a second thought, narrows his eyes as he jams his dull blade into the mouth of the reeling, bearded mess.

“. . . Every time you transform, you use a lot of energy and need to wait before transforming again,” His gaze becomes furthermore terrifying, fixing on the man’s blown wide stare, “Am I right?”

There’s no response, outside of the man’s forced slight grin, and sounds of pain.

Rage shakes his composure, and he jams the blade further up into his mouth, jamming it up through his cheek.

“Oi, answer me!” He sneers, hands moments from shaking.

There is no further response from the bearded man, yet the soldier keeps his grip composed, eyes continuing to stab into his face.

He can’t kill him yet- He knows he can’t.

Erwin had entrusted him with the serum, so long as anybody was left alive, anyone, even a soldier, he could inject them and have them eat the beast. Erwin had said it was his choice, Erwin had-

His eyes widen.

_ Erwi- _

“ _ LEVI! _ “

The distant, familiar call of his name rips him back to reality, just in time for him to notice the singular titan he had missed, opening it’s jaws in their direction. He doesn’t think about anything else, backflipping away from the man he had so recently conquered, watching the fruits of his labor dissipate right before him.

His pupils shrink, and he feels himself imploding, as he stands still. There’s nothing to grab onto, or maybe he had just lost his energy, his  _ will _ .

“Hey. . . Wait, where are you going. . . Stop. . .”

“Levi!”

His name is called again, this time slightly closer, but his subconscious blocks it out.

“I promised him. . . That I was going to kill you. . .”   
  
Standing, his blades clatter to the hard ground beneath him, the threat now of the remaining four titans descending upon him.

The rage that had so momentarily left him returns, flaring and burning brighter than before, the sun awakening within him.

“I  _ SWORE! _ “ He shouts, sparing no time in unsheathing a brand new pair of blades. And as he works at slaughtering the titans in his wake, one man watches from afar.

A hand clutches at his missing arm as he drags an injured leg behind him, limping to the Ackerman in rage.


	2. To You, Lost in a Myriad of Emotions

The rage has long since dissipated by the time the fourth titan falls effortlessly to ground, a thump resonating throughout the dirt as it connects. Levi lands gracefully next to it, although it’s with no soul, lifelessness controlling his limbs as hazy eyes observe the Cart Titan scaling the walls.

Hopeless.

An emotion he had felt so many, many times and yet there was only one other time he had felt it on this scale before.

Once again, he lost someone he held so dear, and was unable to fulfill the promise he had made in that man’s final moments.

The composure he had held so secure before shatters, and he falls to his knees. His blades clatter as they detach from the handles that held them, except this time they aren’t renewed.

He needs to return to the other side of the wall, but he can’t force his body to move.

Maybe he’ll just stay like this for a while.

The sound of something dragging behind him forces his eyes to blow wide, though, and his body stiffens, head threateningly whipping behind him. He was sure that he had struck the nape of-

His pupils shrink, and his lips part slightly as he observes what he finds behind him.

A blue gaze so similar to the sky above them, but what they held in them was more familiar to the defeat and lifelessness of Levi’s own stare.

He doesn’t say anything as he staggers to his feet, disbelief written all over his features as he hesitantly steps closer. The man stops shortly away from the soldier, and Levi does the same.

On the commander’s face is nothing. It’s blank, other than the raging light of  _ guilt _ , the very thing Levi had seen outside of love and courage on his face before they parted ways.

It had been in a triad of emotions, but now it was the only one.

Erwin Smith looked dead, but he was very much alive.

Relief at first follows his disbelief, but it’s immediately toppled by everything he could remember from their prior conversation.

In that moment, looking at Erwin’s frigid, broken expression, Levi almost wants to kill him then and there despite his feelings.

Levi acknowledged the facts as fast as Erwin had.

It was yet another pile of corpses, all after Levi had told him to  _ die  _ and abandon his dream. Erwin had lived, even after admitting the selfishness of his desires.

He’s relieved. He can’t tell if he’s happy, but he’s relieved.

“Erwin,” He breathes.

“I checked,” The commander replies almost knowingly, tone as dead as his expression, “There was only one other. Floch Forster, but his wounds are severe. His only chance of survival is if they’ve either detained Bertolt or Reiner.” His head nods towards the wall.

“I’ll need you to take him to the other side. I assume they have at least one of them.”

Despite his better judgement, Levi’s gaze drifts to the commander’s leg.

“Your leg,” He crudely whispers, “What the hell do you plan to do about that?” His eyes narrow, grip on his handles tightening. 

He can’t tell if it’s nonchalance on Erwin’s face, or pure indifference.

“It’ll be fine once it’s treated. There are still some live horses, so long as you help me back onto one, you’ll be fine to take Floch up to the wall. I’ll ride around.”

The captain scoffs, taking one daring step forward.   
  
“Like hell you will. The furthest you’re going on horseback is right up to the wall,” fixing a stern, yet frightening stare on the commander, he twists his foot into the ground. “You’re far too important to accidentally slip off and get trampled by your own damn steed. We’re lucky enough you survived as is.”

Erwin falls silent, and a far off look encompasses his eyes.

“. . . Yeah,” He mumbles, for once, his chin not held high. “It seems for some reason, some force decided the devil need live.” Sighing, he shakes his head, gripping at his clothed stub arm. “I can always be replaced, but if you so wish to carry me up, I can’t exactly stop you, can I?”

Levi wants to think he can see the faintest of a smile playing on the commander’s lips, but he knows it’s far from being the truth.

The soldier falls silent, and walks forward. This time, brushing the commander’s shoulder as he slowly walks past.

“. . . Let’s go,” He mutters, weighed down by the aching in his heart, “Better to hurry before that kid dies.”   
  


“Yeah,” Erwin curtly responds, softly limping after him.   



	3. To You, in Silence

It isn’t difficult securing the remaining horses, and ultimately both captain and commander set off with two.

An injured, but ultimately fine Erwin Smith rides slowly on his steed, whilst a battered, bruised, and worse for wear Floch lies strapped to the back of Levi’s saddle as the captain’s horse lazily trots slightly ahead of Erwin’s.

“It seems you’ll get to see the basement after all.”   
  
Levi’s comment is an ice-breaker in an otherwise quiet atmosphere.

“Yeah,” Is all he receives in response from the commander, whose face is haunted by the lives he had just decimated.

They fall into another bout of silence as they continue to the wall.


	4. From You, the Already Decided Gift of Choice

Levi makes two trips to the top of the wall.

His first trip, originally, had meant to first be Floch.

However after tirelessly arguing with Erwin, he had convinced the man to let him take him up first, for both easier assistance from the others, and for his personal agenda. For Levi, it was a miracle that Erwin even survived in the first place. He wouldn’t take that for granted, and let any kind of stray titan roam in and consume him while he was busy carrying a dead man walking.

So when he scales the wall again, this time with a dying Floch in his arms, Erwin isn’t there. However no panic sets in, as he observes the familiar blond head from atop wall Maria, settled amongst a group of rather familiar squad members.

Yet there’s quite a few missing, leaving a sour taste in Levi’s mouth as he descends the wall, maneuvering with his gear as well as he possibly could with a man much taller than he was.

It doesn’t take him long to reach the rest of the group, although he has a bit of a rocky landing, gritting his teeth as Floch’s body tumbles beside him on the tile of the roof.

“Captain Levi!” Is the first greeting he gets, although it’s the frantic, annoying voice of Paradis’ resident titan shifter.

Disillusioned still, Levi ignores him, instead observing everything, and everyone else on the roof.

Mikasa. Eren. Hange, Erwin.

Yet what forces his eyes wide once more are two other discoveries.

Bertolt’s limb severed body, and another, seemingly burnt to crisp one lying beside him- wearing the scouts’ uniform.

“. . . Oi,” He speaks, disregarding anyone else attempting to get his attention, “Who the hell is. . .”

“Armin,” Erwin briskly cuts in, “He got burnt while combating the colossal, but he’s alive.”

The captain stares blankly at the breathing corpse.

“Use the serum on him! Let him eat Bertolt! Quick!” Eren’s shouts cut through to him again, yet Levi directs his attention to Erwin instead of the brunette, vying for his decision.

Erwin narrows his eyes at him.

Levi only stares back, hesitantly reaching for the box in his pocket.

Eren’s impatience cuts through again, this time, invading the captain’s personal space.

“Don’t tell me you’re considering bringing  _ him  _ back,” He seethes, hands trembling, “Armin was the reason we were able to defeat Bertolt- You  _ have _ to bring him back!”

“Shut up,” Levi grits, glaring at the boy. His gaze returns to Erwin.

With a sigh, Erwin speaks up.

“It must be Armin,” his voice is stern, “His intelligence is special, and I trust he’ll be able to utilize the colossal properly. I cannot say the same for our other option.” He pauses.

“However, it’s your choice to make, Levi.”

His eyes widen slightly. It was almost funny, how Erwin was leaving such a serious decision in his hands when he himself was alive and well.

Although he was sure it was because Erwin knew what he would do.

“As much as I hate to prioritize his life over another’s, I agree.” Hange speaks up now, arms folded over their chest as they stare at Armin’s burnt body. A distant gaze is present on their face, and Levi can only assume what it means.

“You seriously can’t be so dumb as to actually be debating th-” Mikasa’s hand slaps over Eren’s mouth, her expression sullen as her gaze flits away. He struggles, and doesn’t seem to let up no matter how much she restrains him.

“Oi, oi, I get it! You don’t need to convince me!” The captain snaps, tearing the box open. “Get off the damn roof already, before you end up being titan fodder as well!”

His gaze then snaps to Erwin, and he narrows his eyes.

“That means _ you _ , too.”

The commander grunts, and despite the heaviness of the situation, Hange who stands beside him, chuckles softly.

“Alright big guy, let’s get a move on,” They joke, helping to stabilize the commander as they move off the roof and to another nearby, safe spectating location. Levi can feel Erwin’s eyes on him the whole time.

Eren is still struggling against Mikasa, although more weakly, seemingly aware of Levi’s choice. Although it’s evident that the boy is still slightly worried- not that Levi could care.

The captain watches them as they join the rest of the alive scouts- which he only observes to be Jean, Connie, and Sasha. A pit forms in his stomach as he forces himself to look away, instead at Floch’s body on the rooftop.

They had lost so many soldiers, but this was all for the best, right?

The world around him falls into a silence as he fills the syringe, sparing a single glance at the battered Bertolt, before injecting the fluid into the scout.


	5. For You and I, the Shared Gift of Love

A knock.   
  
Another knock.

With no response, the door swings open, pushed by an intruding leg, a black boot shoving the door to almost slam against the wall it opened to.

“Levi,” Comes an immediate response from the man who was seemingly not answering.

“ _ Erwin _ ,” the intruder breathes in frustration, choosing to shut the door behind him much more neatly than how he had opened it. “Don’t you think it’s rude to ignore someone knocking?”

Erwin’s gaze averts to glance out the window beside his bed, seemingly avoiding the question and accusation at hand.

“How are things?” The commander instead asks, slowly dragging his gaze back to the captain, who in defeat, pulls a chair up to Erwin’s bedside, slumping into it as he rests a leg over his knee.

“All the titans in Wall Maria have been dealt with. We have another expedition that sets out early tomorrow to deal with titans beyond the walls,” Hanging his head towards his chest, he folds his arms across it, breathing in. “After that, we’ll embark to the sea.”   
  
The ghost of a smile dances on the commander's lips, but as soon as Levi lifts his head to see it, it’s gone.

“I see. Thank you, Levi.”

The captain shakes his head.

Shuffling his chair forwards, he proceeds to lean forwards on his elbows, which were now planted on his knees.

“That last bit is why I came to see you, if you were wondering,” Levi’s tone is a bit warmer now, and he takes courage in the way Erwin’s features soften ever so slightly.

“I heard your leg has been getting better. You think you’ll be able to ride a horse properly before then?” He falls silent for a moment, before scoffing to himself, “Or will I be on babysitting duty and have to sit with you in a cart the whole time?”

Despite Erwin’s persistent depression, for the first time in forever, Levi’s words drag a faint chuckle from his otherwise barren lips.

It causes the captain to stiffen, lips parting slightly in shock. He loves that sound, and was almost afraid he had lost it forever.

“I can’t say I wouldn’t mind that,” He dully jests, shutting his eyes for a moment before reopening them to engulf the captain in a tender gaze. “But no, I believe I’ll be fine by then. It should take some time for an expedition to completely secure the area outside, not to mention returning.”

Levi nods, taking slow breaths in and out.

“We’re estimated to be gone for up to a week, possibly longer. I wouldn’t be surprised though, if any brats decided to book it to the sea and we spent a bit longer out there restraining them.”

“I see,” Erwin briskly accepts, seemingly upset by the information. Levi merely scoffs at him, before falling into a comfortable silence.

He longs to reach out and hold the other’s hand, but he doesn’t move from his spot, merely zoning out as he shuts his eyes, content enough to simply be in the other’s presence. So many times he had woken up feeling as if he had lost Erwin, only to remember that he had  _ survived _ , and that he was  _ okay.  _ Yet the thought of what life would have been like without him is by far the most rancid thing that plagues his mind- not just for himself, but for humanity.

It leaves a foul taste in his mouth, and a thought that provokes him to open his eyes, blankly staring forward at a now alert Erwin, whose brows furrow as he observes the far off look in his partner’s eyes.

“Erwin,” Levi begins, clasping his hands together, “I didn’t get to fulfill my promise.”

The commander blinks. He hums, then turns out to the window.   
  
“Not yet,” He speaks, “But that isn’t to say you never will.”

Turning his gaze down, Levi’s eyes widen ever so slightly.

“It isn’t over. Reiner and the Beast Titan are still out there,” When Levi looks back up again, he’s startled by the resolve in Erwin’s eyes, “Outside of these walls is a world we could have never dreamt of. Yet it isn’t what we wished it could have been, is it?” Erwin’s gaze lands on Levi’s, which is perplexed and convoluted with the unknown.

Turning his head down to his clasped hands, Levi’s gaze blanks.   
  
“. . . No. It isn’t.”   
  
Wistfully, Erwin looks back out the window, one big hand sprawled out over his blanketed knee.

“It isn’t, and yet we’re still driven forward. There’s still joy,” The commander draws in a deep breath, “Joy in the truth that we’ve taken the first step towards reclaiming our freedom. In that we’ve taken the first step towards regaining our lost knowledge.”

Levi’s head snaps back up again. The way Erwin words his sentences is vaguely reminiscent of something the commander had told him before, long before their escapade to Shiganshina. Something in his heart twists.

“Soon, we’ll confront Marley, no- The  _ world _ ,” The resolve in the commander’s eyes only burns brighter, “Freedom is what the Survey Corps was founded off of, and so in that light I will not let a single life I sacrificed go to our total annihilation.” 

Erwin’s eyes find Levi again, and the strength behind them is chilling, almost terrifying, yet awe-inspiring to the captain.

“And because of that, it isn’t over. Because of that, you can  _ still  _ fulfill your promise, Levi.”

“Oi. . . “ he mutters, covering his eyes with his hand, “You come straight out of hell, and yet all you can think of when you’re given a break from it is how to embrace it  _ again _ ,” He slowly lowers his hand, gaze piercing through Erwin’s.

“As much as I disagree with what the people over the seas say about us, I can’t say it isn’t true for you.”

The commander, knowing the jest behind Levi’s words, simply chuckles, albeit solemnly.

“That may be so,” He murmurs with a sigh, “But I find content in the fact that my soldiers are, and  _ were  _ fighting for their own freedom.”

With a huff of air, Levi simply shakes his head, his features softening again as he proceeds to shuffle his hair closer to Erwin’s bedside.

“. . . Yeah.” 

Reaching forward, Levi grips the commander’s warm hand in his own, watching as large fingers delicately curl into his, intertwining. Erwin’s hand had always eclipsed his, but it was no surprise. Nor did he ever mind.

“. . . That’s enough of that, though. I’m sick of losing my mind over things I’ve just learnt about.”

He shuts his eyes.

“We won’t be having many more peaceful moments like this. I want to spend them with you before it’s no longer an option for me to do so.”

The captain’s eyes widen slightly as Erwin untangles his hand from Levi’s.

“I share the same sentiment,” The commander warmly expresses, before using his now free hand to reach behind the other and press him towards his chest, palm pressing against the smaller man’s back.

Although startling, it’s not something Levi puts past Erwin, and he simply sighs as he lets himself be pulled towards the other. In a trained and familiar motion, he slips his boots off in a fluid manner, before he fully allows himself to lie atop the other. His head rests gently against the other’s broad chest, short strands of black hair splayed across the surface. He shuts his eyes and focuses on the other’s heartbeat.

“However I must ask one more promise of you, Levi.”   
  
He doesn’t bother to open his eyes, too comfortable to move.

“What is it?” he mumbles.

“I ask that you be able to find time for me still when things do get hectic again.”

Levi scoffs, and for a moment, almost  _ laughs _ .

“I should be asking that of you,” He sighs, turning the request on Erwin, “. . . I’ll always find time for you. I swear.”

A warm, now unfamiliar smile spreads on Erwin’s lips, and he slowly coaxes Levi to move and slip underneath the covers with him.

“Thank you, Levi,” He softly murmurs to the other, holding him close, “I promise the same to you, as well.”


End file.
